Published on July 12th, 2021 | by Joshua Chin0
The Perfect Cars For Politicians Politicking For Power
Here are just some rides that may just prove beneficial in getting back into/retaining political power.
It should by now come to the attention of many Malaysians that our local politicians have been rather busy of late. In fact, if the torrent of news is anything to go by, our tireless elected representatives have been performing various political dealings and dropping political bombshells well into the night and onto the weekend as well.
This being a primarily automotive site however, it really isn’t the right kind of place to discuss the hypocrisy of our leaders who have been out and about politicking, when the majority of Malaysians are forced to stay shut up inside their own homes in order to flatten the (ever-climbing) Covid-19 curve.
What is probably more apt for discussion over here though relates to the cars our politicians have been spotted to be riding around in during these politically turbulent times. Or more specifically, why the Toyota Alphard/Vellfire — which appears to be the preferred vehicle for our elected representatives — perhaps isn’t the best vehicle to use when attempting to wrest (or retain) political power.
Sure the luxury Alphard/Vellfire isn’t really all that bad a choice for politicians to use normally, as it does tick the two main requirements of being both comfortable to cruise in and imposing to look at. In a state of active and open political warfare however, there are perhaps some better alternatives available which may just provide that little bit of an edge to tip the delicate political balance in one’s favour.
So if you are a politician then who is currently in the midst of planning your next political manoeuvre and just so happen to stumble across this article, perhaps maybe consider one of the vehicles below to be the chariot of choice to take into the (increasingly dirty) political battlefield, in place of your trusty Toyota MPV.
Porsche Taycan Turbo S
Now with the increasing rate at which news is breaking these days, speed should therefore be the top priority when it comes to choosing your next ride. Hence with that in mind, there really is no better option than the Porsche Taycan Turbo S.
The fastest accelerating four-seater that is officially on sale right now in Malaysia, the Taycan Turbo S would make racing to the palace for an emergency audience with the king just that little bit easier. Its blisteringly quick century sprint time of just 2.8 seconds might also come in handy when needing to get to a hospital in record time, though the G-forces felt on hard acceleration could well cause stuff to have leaked out from both ends before arriving at the destination.
Just continuing a little bit more on the negatives with the Taycan too for this particular application, the EV charging infrastructure is unfortunately still rather sporadic over here. And while a sustainable and forward thinking investment plan into the electrification of Malaysia’s auto industry could be that you could put in place, it is perhaps much easier just to buy two of these all-electric Porsches and have one topped up and ready to go at all times.
Toyota Land Cruiser
For wanting to flex of one’s political might though, then the good ol’ big and brutish Toyota Land Cruiser is perhaps a better choice instead. A new one of which was also incidentally launched recently, and features an even meaner face to more easily scare the commoners out of the way, without having to resort to a police escort.
With the new Land Cruiser still retaining its legendary off-roading abilities too, there should be really be no problem when it comes to the task of having to drive through the jungle for a durian feast. It should also easily be able to handle the simple task fording through the oft-flooded streets of KL during the current rainy season, so that you can enjoy a spot of lunch with your old chums.
There is however the slight problem of this latest and greatest Land Cruiser being currently on sale exclusively in the UAE, with right-hand drive Japanese sales only kicking off later this month. It is highly unlikely to be officially available from the Malaysian Toyota dealerships over here too, but this problem can be easily solved simply by asking your AP-holding associates to just bring one in for you.
If however you are resolute in sticking with the familiarity of a Toyota MPV instead, there is nevertheless now also the option to go for the new Lexus LM. While essentially just a tarted-up version of the Alphard, its large spindle front grille will certainly still serve as a distinct statement of one-upmanship when pulling up to those secret in-person meetings happening at Jalan Bellamy.
And when you’re done with your secret night-time meetings, the twin VIP lounge seats (that are heated, cooled and fully reclinable) at the rear of the Lexus LM makes for the perfect place to unwind after a long day of politicking. The built-in partition that separates the front and rear compartment also means that you could possibly also continue your important political discussions on the road, while being out of earshot from the chauffeur.
The main drawback with the LM however is the fact that it costs RM 1.15 million, which would presumably caused questions to be raised as to where the money came from to purchase such an extravagant vehicle. Though that shouldn’t be something to concern yourself about, seeing as there’s already a precedent for Malaysian politicians seemingly able to get away with even greater financial misdeeds.
Having just shown three rather ostentatious alternatives, it might perhaps be considered a bit odd and a bit of a come down to include the humble Saga in this list. This is especially considering that this particular Proton is in fact the cheapest model within the Malaysian automaker’s range, which isn’t really befitting of your helang status amongst the pipits.
The humble Saga could however serve as a rather powerful political weapon, as it gives the appearance of you being one with the people and understanding of their plight. Even if you are in fact living the high life behind the closed doors of your multi-million ringgit mansion, while ordinary Malaysians are resorting to waving white flags in order to not survive this prolonged pandemic.
Discounting also the fact that the four-speed automatic gearbox now comes in a box from Hyundai and that company itself was essentially bought out by Chinese auto giant Geely after floundering in a mountain of debt for the longest of times, choosing the Saga as your ride could also serve to curry patriotic brownie points with the rakyat too. Seeing that this is actually a Proton that was designed, developed and produced by Malaysians, in Malaysia.
All said and done though, what you all really deserve is…
No, that is not an invisible car. And no, it is also the flying car that we had been dabbling in a couple of years ago. That is instead just a whole lot of nothing, because did you really think deserve a car that better serves you to go play politics in when our nation is in crisis?
There are plenty of Malaysians right now who are struggling in affording to put food on the table, but all that is on the front page of the local newspapers are headlines that show the various political parties continue to sling shit at each other’s faces. It certainly also isn’t helped by the fact that while the ordinary folk are penalised with harsh fines for (sometimes mistakenly) infringing upon the confusing inter-district travel restrictions, our local leaders meanwhile appear to be on some sort of speed-run challenge to see who can break the most SOPs without facing any tangible consequence.
Come to think of it, it is worth remembering that Emperor Nero at least provided some musical entertainment by playing the fiddle when Rome burned. In Malaysia however, the only form of entertainment the people in charge right now are currently capable of producing is by announcing an announcement for an announcement that will be followed by the announcement of an announcement to retract the prior announcement. Or to put it more concisely, continually flip-flopping on the stupid SOPs.
So it should really come as no surprise that a whole lot of nothing is the best option that many frustrated Malaysians think you deserve for your next ride. In fact, there are perhaps more than a few out there who think that nothing may actually be a little bit too generous.